A Tall Poppy

Helloooooo!!!!

Thank you for popping in for a visit today!  Raymond says hello too… he hasn’t been on here much lately, but that is because he doesn’t really like having his picture taken very much… unless he is in a good mood, which he isn’t at the moment.  This I think, is partly due to the fact that his downstairs family has not been letting him in so much (as in allll the time we’re not home!) and also because he’s not very well.  He has had bung eyes for weeks now and when KB took him to the vet she got some drops, but he has been being sick more frequently and we’re a bit concerned about the poor wee mite, so please send him some healing thoughts, he’s in bed under the covers sleeping the day away right now, so he’ll definitely receive them!

I’ve loved reading the huge amounts of comments you have been leaving in response to my last two, more thought-provoking posts!  I love hearing people’s thoughts on things (unless they are discriminating and unkind, but none of you lovelies would leave mean things like that!)… Right now I’m in a very “thinky” place in life which is filtering into my blog which right now is no longer a “look what I made!” place to visit!

Well…. A little bit “look what I made!”

In my counselling training we are subjected to a lot of personal growth…. some enforced and some just happens naturally when you are subjected to the new experiences that working in a field like that brings.  A subject that pops up regularly and is so important is self esteem……….

Self esteem is so vital isn’t it?  Having a healthy self image is the foundation to living a fulfilled and happy life…….

A lot of people, especially these days, place their self worth and self esteem in “having”….. money, clothing, great hair, a thin body, lots of friends, cars….. the list goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on…… All these things that we put in place around us that distract us from what is happening on the inside.

I get quite upset about the way society and the media treats us women, (and men too, but I’m not focussing on them here) we are smothered by “ideals” and if we don’t live up to them, we are lacking in some way.  This is affecting our young girls especially, and eating disorders and body image issues are spreading like viruses.  What was once a white, middle class problem is now a problem for all cultures and socio-economic groups, as Western ideals for the perfect woman spreads further.

I was in the library the other day and picked up a book called “what’s happening to our boys?”…. I can’t remember the author, but she writes about teenage boys growing up in New Zealand and the pressures they are facing, the need to look like this, have that, wear those labels…. that’s what their esteem and identity is based on these days and that sounds hard!  They are asking their parents for all this stuff and the parents are being driven mad by this, but we have allowed as a culture, for this to happen.

What gives you self esteem?

What makes you proud to be you?

I’d love to  know as we are all so unique….. I know for me, a big healing took place within, when I managed to pull my mind out of the craziness that is our culture and it’s ideals!  I discovered that it is so much more rewarding to base my self worth on what I deemed worthy, not some unachievable goal that is so impossible, I’m going to fail no matter how hard I try….. (for example, having a BMI equal to Victoria Beckham)  My self worth is now based on creating beauty with my hands, nourishing myself and my partner with healthy and delicious food, providing a safe space for others to heal within and probably most importantly, managing my emotional responses to life and maintaining a peaceful inner world.  And what a difference that has made….

It can be hard, bringing our thoughts into alignment with our best interests, forcing the ideas of the collective consciousness out of our mental space, but practice makes perfect, and when we question every thought and idea that we hold, and understand where they were created and why we think them, things start to unfold…..

So!  What do you love about you!  Your self care and self love will inspire everyone who reads your comment too, so talk your beautiful selves up!

And on to the crochet….. (Oh how I love crochet!) I made this beautiful pot holder (instructions in a link on the side bar!) to add to my collection of ornamental pot holders hanging above my stove…. I made this one bigger than the others by one round by mistake, but I really like it a bit bigger and it’s not sagging from the weight too much!

I added a picot edging to make it a bit different to the others as well, and I love it, it looks quite alien-like…..

I’ll show you the wall when I’ve made a few more!

OK then, I hope you enjoyed your visit today!  I’ve got the morning off and I’m off to continue with my knitting…. It’s all in garter stitch which is getting a bit boring, but I’ve noticed that my right arm isn’t getting sore, so I’m thinking my purling techniques need a tweak before I give myself terminal RSI!  I’ll reveal the project soon!

Have a beautiful day today,

Lots of love from Alice and Raymond XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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About Crochet with Raymond

I'm a crochet obsessed, reiki master, crystal healing, yoga junkie, counselling student, in a happy long term relationship... and Raymond's mum!
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28 Responses to A Tall Poppy

  1. Sherry Buenrostro says:

    I so love crochet too!! I’m 68 yrs. old and my children learned respect by example! I always said, please, thank you and my husband always opening doors for ladies. Now childen stand in the street and dare you to hit them. Also they use awful language with ladies present. It never stops, it keeps going on and on the list is staggering!!

  2. Ruth says:

    I agree – what it is these days with the world ? You have to look right, say the right things – fit in to the mould and follow the crowd. Why can’t people just be individual and different and be flippin’ proud of it and not feel that they have to live their lives a certain way in order to “fit in” – what exactly is “fitting in” anyway” and what is the actual “mould” – because I’ve never seen it :)? I really do think it’s important to just be yourself and stand up for what you believe in – even if this means rocking the boat along the way (and let’s be honest here I’ve been exceptionally good at that lately lol ;)

    For me, what makes me who I am I guess is being outspoken and saying it how I see it – I value my integrity and my ability to try to be as honest as possible. Now this does not mean I am a loudmouth – far from it as I am actually very quiet in person. But if there is something I don’t agree with I will speak up and say how I feel and I know I would still do it even if I was the only person in the world who felt a particular way about a particular anything! Me being outspoken doesn’t mean I think anything less of the person/topic/scenario/item in question as I am just voicing an opinion and of course everyone’s opinion is different and I like that too as that’s what makes the world the great place it is to live in. It’s like I have said to you in a previous conversation – I’m the sort of friend that WILL tell you that your bum DOES look big in that and that it looks rubbish on you – I just don’t gloss it up if you get what I mean. Some people are OK with this some are not but hey, that’s just life isn’t it?

    That’s me in a nutshell I guess.

  3. Andrea says:

    Another thought-provoking post Alice. Self-esteem…mmm…I suffer from clinical depression and self-esteem/self-worth has been a recurring theme in my life (as in, lack of). I put that down to missing my path in life. It is hard to maintain healthy self-esteem if one is being judged against a set of criteria one doesn’t value or excel in…and those things one does excel in aren’t considered important. That is why I love blogland! Here I have found a different sort of value system and one that I feel comfortable with. I hope Raymond is feeling better soon….x

  4. Alyson says:

    Hello from the US! I stumbled upon your blog a few days ago, and I am already a faithful follower. I, too, love crystals, kitties, and crochet! I have enjoyed viewing your photographs of your beautiful creations- keep them coming!

    I am sorry to hear your sweet Raymond isn’t feeling well. Positive energy is coming his way!

  5. Denise says:

    My family, well my parents and siblings are all about things, money and status. Thank the gods my grandparents raised my first 12 years. How horrified I was to be taken from them and living with my mother and her new husband that are so superficial it make me want to throw up. They have always and still make me feel like I’m not good enough and some subset of society.

    We go with the familiar and my ex and his mother were no better. It didn’t matter I was on my feet going from morning til night, I was called lazy. If I wanted the smallest thing or minute to myself, I’m selfish.

    Nursing school and nursing brought me some self-esteem as everyone said I would never make it. The doormat in me likes helping people and old people in nursing homes appreciate the smallest acts of kindness. Then I injured my back and couldn’t get even a light duty job as a nurse. My self-esteem fell below the basement.

    My needlework and hobbies is where I get some. Trying very hard to be a good person but not a doormat. I’m still working on it.

  6. Denise says:

    Oh yes, sending healing thoughts to Raymond. I do hope kitty feels better soon.

  7. Siobhan says:

    First the important thing is to send sweet little Raymond lots of love and cuddles -please cheer up and feel much better very soon Raymond, because I think you are adorable!

    Self esteem for me is just one thing, acceptance of self – whoever, whatever that is. It’s not dependant on anyone else or anything else, just that. I validate me. I haven’t always felt like that – as a child I wanted to ‘belong’, now that feeling is quite alien. It’s not that I feel that I do belong everywhere, it just isn’t a need I have anymore. I find serenity, when it comes, comes from within me. I don’t think I am driven by the same incentives as many other people; I don’t see success or failure really, they are far too polarised to be very useful. (actually failure is something that I only contemplated relatively recently and it is pretty detrimental as a concept). If I use societies measuring devices then I have to recognise that I have failed more often than not and am a big fat failure. I prefer not to see myself in that way (on rare and extreme occasions I do however) and it’s a good thing I don’t, as I would be very unhappy and I am not. It’s not that I don’t care – If I give everything my best shot, try hard and am pretty tenancious until it becomes apparent that whatever it is won’t work, then I let it go, happy in that knowledge – it’s not for anyone else to tell me I worked hard or whatever, only I will really know that. I choose to be happy more often than not and reguarly feel pleased with any little thing that I do (little things are the only kind I do!) and forgiving of the things that didn’t go my way. The fact that I haven’t suceeded ‘big time’ does not worry me because I don’t know what I consider successful other than being happy. I have not been persuaded by the tastes of other people in a very long time. I don’t often like the same films/actors, read the same books, hold similar views to people I meet but I’m happy to meet them half way. Society says I should be striving all the time, for more, for ‘better’, I don’t really follow that. My values are important to me, some of which come from family, some which conversly, oppose family. They are what I use to judge me; I do judge me – quite harshly at times but then I accept and move on. People are allowed not to like me, I really don’t mind too much at all. I’m not in a vaccum, I listen to people, I care what they think and feel but ultimately ‘me’ is down to me.
    Confidence by the way, is not the same thing at all to my mind – something different altogether!

  8. sandiart says:

    I have found, in this life time, that I have not had an abundance of money, my children have all had to ‘go without’ not being able to wear ‘label’ clothing or have the latest of this or that. However what we have had is an abundance of love, we all love each other and support each other. My children are my friends, we talk, have always talked, we come to each other when we need support. My children love each other and respect each other. We all live with integrity and good values. I was always told by my ‘friends’ in the past that I was stupid the way I was bringing up my children, I am so proud of my children, they value the small things in life, don’t worry about material worth and are grateful for all that they do have.
    I would like to share what my 21 year old son (James) wrote in my birthday card, it made me cry.
    ‘Dear Mum,
    Its been amazing to see the passion and creativity flowing from you over the last few months. I hope the year ahead brings great fortune to you with your work.
    Happy Birthday
    xo James’
    He is a real sweetheart and thoughtful, he has sat with arms around me and cried with me when things have got me down. My eldest sent me a txt on the day of my stall to tell me he was so proud of me for following my passion. My daughter and I talk and giggle, something I was never able to do with my mum. I am so blessed to have my children in my life, this is what I value over everything its what makes me the happiest and what I value over everything.
    Thank you Alice for this post xx Sandi

  9. Love who you are….The World is full of drones……I agree though on the self image thing…Too much expectations.

  10. Sarah says:

    Oh I am kinda worried about Raymond. I hope he feels better and I will remember him in my prayers and also sending good thoughts for his health. Don’t worry about your writing, I will read it no matter what the subject. Your blog is great and I just love Raymond.

  11. Sara says:

    I just stumbled across your blog yesterday and it is lovely. I love your sense of color! I hope Raymond is feeling better soon.

  12. Sara says:

    Hello Alice! Thank you for stopping by http://www.tangledhappy.blogspot.com and leaving a comment today. I had so many visitors and all the comments made my day. Your blog is absolutely wonderful! Your pictures are awesome and the colors are lovely. I would love to feature one of your patterns next week at Tangled Happy and also add you to my blog list. Would that be okay? Happy to be your newest follower! :)

  13. Libby says:

    Hi, i love your blog and i love you mandalas, however, i hope you don’t mind me saying that I can’t read the latest post, with the red writing over the enlarged picture of the mandala or even the other comments, which come out in black writing. Really hope you don’t mind me saying, I would hate to miss out on any posts, Libby x

  14. Libby says:

    eek, sorry it must have been the way the page loaded, it’s back to normal now, phew!! sorry it’s fine!!!!! keep going as you are!!!!

  15. Karen says:

    Hi hunny
    I went through a huge transformation in my life ten years ago when I went to counselling to tackle the child abuse I had grown up with.
    I had very little self worth or self esteem at the time.
    I have taken years to finally believe in myself and trust my feelings as being ‘OK’
    I’ve brought up my boys with the motto….’It’s nice to be important in life but more important to just be nice’
    I firmly beleive in ‘do unto others as you wish to be done to you’
    I try very hard in having a positive attitude to everyday…whatever it brings, to value every little moment and treasure the beauty in everyone and everything….but more importantly if you don’t value yourself first then how can you value everything else?
    Your post is very thought provoking hun…well done you!
    We’ve never had much to give to our boys who are now 15 and 20 but I am so very proud of them being decent loving human beings who value life…something that is priceless

    Hugs x x x

  16. Raymond has the most beautiful blue eyes doesn’t he?! Do you find yourself gazing into them? I would! I’m worried about his health, because he’s been poorly for a wee while hasn’t he, I am sending him lots of get well soon vibes, and I’ll be thinking about him a lot. Funny how the use of the word gay has changed. I don’t have a problem with gayness at all, it exists, like heterosexuality, and so never crosses my mind as something to think about, we’re all equal. Our best man at our wedding, Hugo’s friend from university, is gay, and his partner was an usher. To me there is no big deal, it’s a shame it’s a problem for some people. Your finished raglan sweater is GORGEOUS Alice! I love the colour and shape, and the crochet square on the front, lucky recipient of that. My self worth, I’ve discovered, is based on my work. Totally and completely. When I’m working happily and earning an income, I feel content, safe and valued, it’s very, very important to me. I vaguely recall when I was younger, my self esteem involved how I looked, my weight etc, now I’m nearing forty years of age, those things aren’t relevant any more. We change, and the older we get, the more we see things a little more clearly, I think. And lovely colours in your pot holder, so rich and beautiful. Kisses to Raymond, wish I could help the little fellow. Love Vanessa xxx

  17. eda says:

    I love to read your thought-provoking posts as much as I love to read about your crochet and knitting. Popular culture has created people who are similar to each other who go to the same restaurants,wear the same brands ,read the same books and even go to the same schools. In a way ,copies of human beings are formed. And if you do not follow, you are easily labelled ”crazy” or other people would think you are worthless because you do not wear certain brand.But how to avoid this?
    I solved this question by concentrating on my work,family,home and crochet.Antdthanks to internet I have the chance of meeting lovely people like you,otherwise no chance to meet.

  18. eda says:

    I hope Raymond gets better soon.

  19. Richard Rose says:

    What makes me proud to be me? Knowing that I’m loved just the way I am. :)

  20. Sarah A says:

    My self esteem revolves around how I treat others normally… As well as how I take care of myself and my husband.. Really do enjoy your blog… Hope Raymond is better soon

  21. Caro says:

    Poor Raymond! I hope it’s nothing serious and he’s soon feeling like himself. Love your crochet. I’d love to learn and I study your tutorials. Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the good work!

  22. Debra says:

    Hello Alice. We may be on the other side of the world to each other, but you sure are tuned in to my wavelength at the moment. First the crystals, which was just what I needed as I have been feeling blue lately and they gave me such a pick-me-up. Today a very thought-provoking post about self esteem; something I struggle with, especially when I’m in a ‘down’ mood. I’m not in the least bit materialistic; I used to be when I was younger but as I’ve grown older and wiser, and done much soul-searching I realised that I didn’t want to be like everyone else anyway; I wanted to be ‘different’. I wanted a colourful house when most others wanted a neutral colour scheme; I wanted wall to wall carpet and cosiness when bare floorboards were ‘the bees knees’. And, I really don’t care what others think of me. I’m happy in my own little world with my family and friends who I love and who love me. We all support each other as and when needed and like that we’re all different. Our one similarity is that we all believe there’s another force, call it God, Spirituality, Angels, Faeries or whatever, that helps us to make the best use of our time on earth. I believe in reincarnation and try to see the bigger picture in my actions and thoughts; I strive to keep this planet in good condition and to leave as small a footprint on it as I can. My friends do also, but to a slightly lesser extent, however I do not think any the less of them or think bad thoughts about them. We are all learning lessons as we go along and some souls need more time than others. I was told not so long ago that I had returned to earth at least 500 times and had always become a ‘wise woman’ or healer. When I was told this it resonated so loudly within that I feel this to be true and now strive even more to gently lead others to live a simple and ‘caring’ life. I have for a long time thought we were put on this planet for a reason and I think I have finally found mine; however I do not know exactly what form I am meant to take this time around just yet, but I know I will be shown when the time is right. Sorry I’ve gone on rather a bit here. Sending Raymond loving light and healing thoughts for a speedy recovery.

  23. Planet Penny says:

    Love to Raymond, hope he’s better soon. You post is very thought provoking, we are constantly judged, if not by others then by ourselves, and seem to be found wanting. It’s so sad…

  24. Kate says:

    Mmm-hmm. That picot edging is mighty fine, I have all these crochet madalas but am yet to sit down and turn them into pot holders, seeing this beautiful one is like being nudged!
    Self esteem is flowing-for me it’s up and down but a core of self acceptance is key.
    Xokate

  25. Sara says:

    Alice, I will be featuring one of you patterns next week on Tuesday. The only problem will be choosing which one. I love them all! Thank you so much for letting me share with everyone at Tangled Happy. :)

  26. kiwiyarns says:

    Another thoughtful and excellent post Alice. Self-esteem is one of those very difficult things – as some of your readers have expressed, it’s not just about money/things/friends – I think it’s about how you measure yourself against your own values and expectations. And sometimes that’s the hardest test.

  27. Pati says:

    Hello Alice,
    Very interesting post and lovely crochet, as usual. Many years ago, when I was a teenager in search of myself, I met the love of my life and he told me two things that I’ve always remembered; they were two “mottos” used by the ancient Greeks: “Get to know yourself” and “Avoid excess”. Since then, I have tried to follow them and they’ve helped me grow. By getting to know myself, my weaknesses and my strengths, I’ve learnt to love myself and to show the best of myself to the rest of the world and I’ve also chosen the middle path, the path of no extremes, but the path that’s led me to achieve balance. In my experience, it has also been very important to be surrounded by good loving people, to have the support of wonderful loving family and friends, and to nurture them, to communicate with them and to develop these relationships throughout the years. Time is always a great ally, as as you grow older you become a little bit wiser and practical and one stops worrying about what others may think or other silly things in life. I now have the task of building self confidence in my very young daughters, what a task! It is sooooo important, though! especially in this day and age but we’ll hopefully get there, with the love of my life by my side…….
    Loads of good energy to you and little Raymond, Pati from London x

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